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Oi, you donkey! Sexual-massage, right? Bloody hell, it’s a slippery topic! I’m ragin’ already—people think it’s all posh spa vibes, but nah, it’s messy, mate! Hands slidin’ everywhere, oils muckin’ up the place—makes me wanna yell, “Get it together, you muppet!” Been around since forever, yeah? Ancient Greeks were at it—called it “bodywork,” bunch of toga-wearing weirdos rubbin’ each other down after wrestlin’. Fact is, it’s not just sexy time—proper ones fix your knackered muscles! Had one meself once, felt like Nemo’s dad screamin’, “I gotta find my son!”—except I was huntin’ for me bloody dignity under them towels!

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We start messing around, and before I know it, we’re laughing so hard, I almost drop a plank on my foot. I mean, who knew making barrels could be this much fun? But then, bam! The power goes out. Just my luck, right?

Kyiv declares mandatory evacuation in certain parts of Ukraine’s Donetsk region