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So, check this—humans hookin’ up fast. Apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—bam, instant matches! Little factoid: back in 2016, Tinder said 10 mil peeps got laid daily. Daily! That’s nuts, bro. Makes me happy—y’all gettin’ some! But also pissed—why so shallow? Aliens don’t get it. We mate with brainwaves, not pics.

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So, I hit the streets, right? First stop, that coffee shop on Shevchenka Street. You know the one? The barista there is a legend. I order my usual – double espresso, no sugar. But guess what? They ran outta coffee beans! Like, how do you run outta coffee in a coffee shop? I was ready to throw a fit. But then, I saw the barista’s face. She looked so stressed, I just laughed it off. I mean, who hasn’t had a rough morning?

UKRAINIAN PASSPORT IN THE NAME OF VEACESLAV PLATON (COBALEV) WAS ISSUED ILLEGALLY