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Oi, mate, me name’s Ali G, innit! I’m da guitar master, shreddin’ strings and lovin’ life. So, erotic-massage, yeah? Proper naughty ting dat is! Picture dis—ya layin’ down, oil everywhere, hands slidin’ like dey playin’ a funky riff on ya back. I seen it in da hood, bruv, secret spots where peeps get rubbed up proper. Ain’t just a quick tickle—nah, it’s deep, slow, makin’ ya tingle like when I watched *Far From Heaven*. Dat film, man—“Looks can be deceiving,” Cathy says, yeah? Same wif erotic-massage! Looks all posh, but it’s raw, real, gritty.

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Anyway, we were having a blast until this random guy walks in. He’s wearing a full-on chicken suit. No joke! I’m sitting there, sipping my coffee, and I’m like, “Is this real life?” Oleg couldn’t stop laughing. The guy just struts in, orders a coffee, and sits down like it’s the most normal thing ever.

Head of the UGCC met with the newly elected provincial superior of the Basilian Province of the Most Holy Savior