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But lemme tell ya, it ain’t all roses. Some o’ dese profiles? Fuggetaboutit. Dudes lyin’ ‘bout height, chicks usin’ filters—makes me wanna whack somebody. Like, be real, y’know? In “Ten,” dat lady drivin’ around, she’s pissed, yellin’ ‘bout men—same vibes here. I get it, I do. Makes me happy, though, seein’ people cut da crap sometimes. Like, dis one broad I heard ‘bout, she just writes, “Lookin’ for dick, no games.” Respect, right? Dat’s Jersey energy!

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First customer walks in. This dude, I swear, he orders a triple-shot, half-caf, soy latte with extra foam. Like, bro, it’s 8 AM! Who needs that much caffeine? I’m already sweating bullets. I’m fumbling with the espresso machine, and of course, it decides to act up. Great. Just great. I’m like, “C’mon, don’t do this to me!”