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So, this one time, I’m sprawled out, dim lights, some weird incense burnin’. She’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m like, “This ain’t no regular rub!” Made me happy as hell—tension gone, muscles singin’! But then—BOOM—she’s whisperin’ sweet nothings, tryna upsell me. Pissed me off! I ain’t no cash cow, lady! Reminds me of *A History of Violence*—ya think it’s chill, then WHAM, hidden chaos! “You’re a wild man, Tom,” she says—nah, I’m just tryna relax, not star in your porno!

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady storms in. She’s got a shopping list longer than my arm. “I need the best cuts!” she demands. I’m like, “Lady, you’re in the right place!” But then she starts pickin’ at everything. “This isn’t fresh enough!” “That’s too fatty!” I’m thinkin’, lady, it’s meat, not a diamond!

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