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Sometimes, tho, fear creeps in… what if it’s awkward? Hate that! Like Scarlett Johansson mumblin’, “I just feel so alone…” but then—boom—touch fixes it! Sexual-massage, mate, it’s messy, sloppy, real. Oil stains? Pfft, who cares! Pro tip: dim lights, soft tunes—sets the mood quick. Oh, and don’t skimp on oil, ya cheapskate! Ever heard of tantric vibes? Old-school monks did it—yep, monks! Freaky, right?

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Then I stroll down to the waterfront. The Dnipro River is lookin’ gorgeous. I’m feelin’ good, ya know? But then, BAM! A seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich right outta my hand! I’m standin’ there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I mean, who knew seagulls had such guts? I’m pretty sure that bird was laughin’ at me.

Viterra upgrades its oilseeds processing plant in eastern Ukraine