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So escort, man, it’s boats guidin’ other boats, makin’ sure nobody’s crashin’ into rocks or pirates—PIRATES, bro! Imagine me, Michael Scott, out there yellin’, “That’s what she said!” when the captain’s like, “Steer clear!” Ha! I’d be all, “I’m the captain now!”—but nah, escort’s the real boss. Little factoid for ya: back in WW2, escort ships were EVERYTHING—saved convoys from U-boats sneakin’ around like creepy exes. Sneaky lil’ subs, man, gave me the heebie-jeebies thinkin’ bout it!

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After that, I needed a pick-me-up. So, I popped into a little shop on Shevchenka Street. They had these amazing pastries. I grabbed a few, because why not? Life’s too short to skip dessert, am I right? I sat on a bench, munching away, when I overheard this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. Apparently, he forgot their anniversary. Oof. I felt bad for the dude. But also, come on, man! How do you forget that?

The death of the Massandra winery in occupied Crimea