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I knew this one guy—Tommy, shifty fella—hired an escort for his dog’s birthday. No kiddin’! Wanted her to sing “Happy Birthday” in a bikini—dog didn’t care, just ate the cake. Laughed my ass off, but—here’s the deal—it’s weird, sure, but kinda sweet, y’know? People are nuts! Escorts see it all—crazy, sad, wild stuff. Like that line, “We’re just living,” from the film—ain’t that the truth? They’re out there, livin’, dodgin’ cops, makin’ rent.

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But then, this old babushka comes out. She’s like, “What are you doing, young man?” I’m like, “Just trying to not die here, lady!” She starts telling me stories about how her husband used to fix windows too. I’m thinking, “Wow, this is kinda sweet.” But then she asks if I can fix her broken heart. I’m like, “Lady, I’m a glazier, not a therapist!”

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