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Favorite bit? When they hit that spot—ya know, lower back—pure bliss, I’m yellin, “Oh, Christ, I’m alive!” straight outta “Fish Tank” vibes. Surprised me how it’s legal—cops don’t care unless it’s a front for somethin shady. Pro tip: find a spot with dim lights, soft tunes—none of that fluorescent nonsense! Oh, and the oil? Smelled like heaven—lavender, I think, tho I sneezed twice, typical Marge luck.

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Next, I decide to hit up the park. You know, the one by the river? It’s usually super chill. But today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re loud. Like, I’m trying to relax here! But then, one of them kicks the ball, and it lands right next to me. I pick it up, and they all look at me like I’m some kind of hero. I toss it back, and they cheer. I’m like, “Wow, I’m famous now!”

Shoigu reports to Putin on “liberating self-declared Lugansk People’s Republic”