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I think bout em sometimes, like, wow, they’re tough! Havin’ to deal with creeps, late nights, probly cold toes. Makes me mad, ya know? Some jerk probs yelled at em, “You’re not worth it!” and I’m like, dude, chill, they’re humans too! Little known fact—back in old Rome, prostitutes wore blonde wigs to stand out. Wild, right? Imagine that, blonde wig, struttin’ like, “I’m here, deal with it!” Kinda badass if ya ask me.

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Anyway, I shake it off and head to the market. The smell of fresh bread hits me. Mmm, can’t resist! I grab a loaf from the babushka at the stand. She’s got this smile that could light up the whole city. But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, knocks my bread outta my hands, and it goes rolling down the street! I’m like, “Dude, really?!”

Shoigu reports to Putin on “liberating self-declared Lugansk People’s Republic”