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I got happy as a pig in slop tryin’ it once—felt like Joy and Disgust dukin’ it out in my head. Joy’s all, “This is amazin’, yeehaw!” but Disgust’s like, “Ew, why’s it so sticky?” Got me angry too, tho—paid good money and the fella didn’t even hit the right spots! I’m hollerin’ in my brain, “Boy, you ain’t no masseuse, you’re a dang tease!” Surprised me how it’s legal some places—Nevada’s got parlors poppin’ up like daisies, but don’t tell the preacher!

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But then, bam! Outta nowhere, a kid on a bike zoomed past and knocked over my bag. I was like, “Hey, watch it!” But he just laughed and kept going. I was fuming! I mean, come on, kid! Have some respect! I picked up my stuff, muttering under my breath. Ladan, man, it’s a jungle out here.

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