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So, check it—little known fact: ancient Greeks did this crap! Yeah, called it “tantric touch” or somethin’, gettin’ all freaky with oils. Not just for pervs neither—s’posed to “heal yer soul.” Pfft, soul my ass, I’d be droolin’! D’oh! Imagine me, sprawled out, some hotshot masseuse whisperin’, “Relax, Homer,” and I’m all, “Donuts… no, wait—focus!” Hilarious, right? But real talk—it’s pricey, man! Fifty bucks for thirty minutes? Made me mad as hell—gimme a beer instead!

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But then, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and it’s a bunch of kids playin’ soccer. They kicked the ball right into a car! I’m like, “Oh no, not again!” The owner comes out, and he’s furious. I’m just standin’ there, tryin’ not to laugh.

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