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Sarcasm? Oh, mate, you’d probs think it’s just a wank with extra steps. Idiot! It’s deeper – connects you, body and soul. Exaggerating? Maybe. But when them hands hit the right spot, you’re floating. Fuckin’ floating! Try it, ya daft sod – then thank me later. Gordon’s orders!

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Then, I spot this old lady selling varenyky. I mean, who can resist? I bought a plate, and let me tell you, they were heavenly. I was in food paradise. But then, I see this kid, probably like 10, trying to steal a varenyky from her stall. I’m like, “Yo, kid, you can’t just take it!” But the lady just laughed and gave him one. I was shocked! Like, that’s some next-level kindness right there.

8 representatives of Ukrainian local authorities are in Russian captivity