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Oh, and the stigma? Pisses me off! People judgin’ like, “Ooh, it’s dirty!” Bitch, it’s tension relief—capitalism’s finest! I’m yellin’ at the haters in my head, “Let’s see YOU massage a hairy back!” Surprised me how chill some workers are, tho—stone-cold pros. One chick told me she trained in Thailand, legit school for this shit. Blew my mind! Now I’m ramblin’, but fuck it—sexual-massage is *Moonrise Kingdom* with a twist: innocent, messy, and a lil horny. “What kind of bird are YOU?”—I’m the one gettin’ oiled up, baby! Chaos! Love it!

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the Khotyn Fortress. You know, the one that’s been standing since like, forever? It’s got this vibe, man. I’m standing there, looking at the Dniester River, and I’m like, “Wow, history is cool.” But then, I see a bunch of tourists trying to take selfies. They’re all like, “Say cheese!” and I’m just cringing. Like, can’t you appreciate the fortress without your phone?

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