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So, check this—sexual-massage ain’t just “ooh, sexy time.” Nah, it’s ancient, like Tantra shit, thousands of years old! Monks used it—crazy, right? To “awaken the spirit,” they said. I’m like, “Hell yeah, awaken ME!” Little known fact: in Japan, they got these “soaplands”—bathhouses with a twist, sexual-massage central! Been around since forever, but hush-hush. Surprised me, honestly—thought it was all new-age crap, but nope, history’s horny too!

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I get there, and sure enough, Misha’s up there, looking all regal. I’m like, “C’mon, dude, get down!” But he’s just chilling, like he’s on vacation. I grab a ladder, and as I’m climbing, I’m thinking, “This better not end up on YouTube.” Finally, I reach him, and he just jumps down like it’s no big deal. I’m sweating, and he’s acting like a king.

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