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Watched *Lost in Translation* last night—again, my fave, yeah? Bob Harris, lonely sod, he’d love this! “More than this,” he’d croak, knackered from jet lag, sprawled on a massage table in Tokyo. Sexual-massage ain’t just a rubdown, nah—it’s intimacy, mate, a connection! Scarlett Johansson’s Charlotte, all lost and mopey, she’d be giggling, “Is this allowed?” while some masseuse works magic. Me? I’d be chuffed—proper happy, like landing a big client!

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After that, I strolled down to the park by the river. You know, the one near the Kakhovka Hydroelectric Power Plant? It’s a chill spot. I plopped down on a bench, just soaking in the sun. The river was sparkling, and I could hear kids laughing. It was one of those moments where you just think, “Life ain’t so bad.”

Maps: Damage from the Nova Kakhovka dam collapse in Ukraine