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So, I dig deeper, ‘cause that’s my jam. Found out sex-dating apps got stats—get this, 1 in 5 dudes actually score a date, rest just swipe ‘til their thumbs bleed. Hilarious, right? Makes me laugh thinkin’ of those losers, all horny and hopeless. I’m like, “Eat my shorts, suckers!” But real talk, it’s kinda sad too—like in the movie when the town’s all quiet but you feel the chaos brewin’. Sex-dating’s got that tension, man.

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I can’t help but chuckle. But then, she turns to me and says, “You think this is funny?” I’m like, “Uh, no, ma’am, just enjoying the show.” She gives me this look like I just insulted her grandma. Yikes! I back away slowly, clutching my strawberries like they’re a life raft.

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