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Favorite bit? When they hit that spot—fuckin’ neck or thighs—and you’re moanin’ like a cow in heat. “There’ll be no dawn,” Saul says, but with this? Dawn’s fuckin’ everywhere, sunshine in yer bones! Hella better than cookin’ for ungrateful pricks all day. Ever tried it? No? You’re missin’ out, ya daft cow! Last time, this lass—pro, yeah?—she’s kneadin’ me, I’m thinkin’, “Gordon, you’ve peaked, mate.” Then she flips me over—cheeky mare—and I’m laughin’, “What a fuckin’ dish!” Total game-changer, swear down.

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But then, I hear this rustlin’ in the bushes. My heart’s racin’. I’m thinkin’, “Is it a bear? A wolf?” I creep closer, and it’s just a stray cat. A fluffy little thing, lookin’ at me like I’m the weird one. I laugh. “You scared me, buddy!”

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