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About Mykolaiv

So, check this—sexual-massage ain’t just some new-age crap. Back in the day, like ancient China, they were all about it—called it “tantric touch” or some shit. Little known fact: emperors got it to last longer in bed! Bet those old dudes were like, “I’m so seriouslah awesome!” Kinda makes me happy thinkin’ bout it—power moves with a happy ending, heh! But then ya got these modern spas, chargin’ 200 bucks for a “sensual rubdown”—that pisses me off! Respect my authoritah, I ain’t payin’ that!

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After that, I decide to stroll down to the market on Haharina Street. I’m thinking, “Let’s grab some fresh veggies.” But the market is packed! Like, where did all these people come from? I’m dodging carts and old ladies like I’m in some kind of obstacle course. And then, I see it – the biggest watermelon ever. I’m talking massive. I’m like, “I need that in my life.” So, I wrestle my way through the crowd, finally get to it, and guess what? It’s sold out! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Are you kidding me?”

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