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Still, bit awkward, innit? Bloke like me, floppy hair, stumbling in, “Erm, hullo, bit of a rub, please?” Laughed my arse off imagining it. What if they recognise me? “Blimey, it’s Boris!” Chuckle at that, I would. Oh, and the oils – slippery as a greased pig! Nearly fell off the table once, true story, daft prat that I am.

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Anyway, I’m trying to keep my cool. I grab my laptop and head to the café on Hrushevskoho. Best coffee in Dubno, no cap. I sit down, and the barista, bless her, knows my order. I’m like, “Just a regular, please.” But she’s like, “You mean your ‘extra shot of caffeine because you’re a hot mess’?” I laugh, but inside, I’m like, “Girl, you’re not wrong.”

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