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Alright, pal, listen up—Gordon Gekko here, “Greed is good,” baby! Sexual-massage? Oh man, it’s the real deal, slippery slope to heaven or hell, depends who’s rubbin’ ya. I’m talkin’ hands all oiled up, slidin’ everywhere, tension meltin’ like butter on a hot skillet. Saw this chick once—pro masseuse, swear she had magic fingers, like she’s quotin’ *Certified Copy*— “It’s not the original, but it works!”—and damn, it worked me good. Greed kicks in, right? Want more pressure, more heat, more EVERYTHING—gimme that full-body buzz, ya know?

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Finally, the event kicks off. We’ve got food trucks, music, and a bunch of local artists. I’m feeling pumped! But then, the sound system goes haywire. Like, seriously? I’m about to lose it. I run over to the tech guy, and he’s just chillin’ like it’s no biggie. “It’ll be fine,” he says. I’m like, “Dude, we’re in Dubliany, not a silent retreat!”

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