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About Zaporizhzhia

Here’s a kicker—knew this chick, Candy, real name prolly Susan. Worked downtown, had a pet iguana—called it “Mr. Pimp.” Swear to God, that lizard had bling. Made me laugh, picturin’ it struttin’ like Jordan Belfort. “You know what I say? Money!” Candy’d say that, flashin’ cash, iguana chillin’. Happiest damn hooker I met.

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So, I’m chasing this dog down Haharina Street, and I’m yelling, “Come back! I’m not done with you!” People are staring, probably thinking I’m some crazy dog whisperer or something. I finally catch him near the river, and he’s just sitting there, wagging his tail like we’re best buds. I’m like, “Dude, you just made me run a marathon!”

Kyiv, then Dnipro, Sumy, and Odesa — Russia’s rotating war of terror explained