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But when it’s good? Oh, stars, I’m happy as a bantha in mud. Muscles loosen, ya floatin—pure bliss, fam. “What’s true and what’s false?” Polley asks in the flick, and I’m like, does it matter if it feels this good? Had this one masseuse—swear she was a Jedi, hands movin like she’s usin the Force. Surprised me, legit—didn’t know my back could feel that chill. Exaggeratin? Maybe, but I’d fight a rancor to feel it again.

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Finally, I head to that little bistro on the corner of Lvivska Street. You know, the one with the best borscht? I order a bowl, and it’s like a hug in a bowl. Seriously, if you haven’t tried it, you’re missing out. But then, the waiter spills some on my shirt. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a walking borscht ad.”

Far from the front lines, Ukrainians fight a war to preserve their culture