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So, sex-dating— Gotta say, it’s bloody brilliant sometimes! Met this bird once—profile said “loves dogs, wine, and naughty chats.” Turned up, she’s got a chihuahua, a bottle of red, and a vibe that says, “Gigolo Joe’s got nothin’ on me!” Laughed my arse off—proper “What do you want to be when you grow up?” energy from the movie. Happy as Larry, I was. But then—bam!—ghosted me next day. Gutted. “The future is not set,” they say in the flick, but her silence? Set in stone.

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Long story short, we get to the square, and it’s chaos. Cops everywhere, and that sketchy dude? He’s in handcuffs. I’m like, “Wow, I really dodged a bullet there.”