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Pissed me off once, though—bloke at work braggin’ he’s the “massage king.” Mate, you can’t even spell “erotic,” sit down! Made me wanna scream, “I failed, I failed!” like Saul’s mate in the film—dramatic, yeah, but I’m passionate, me. Love the power of it, though—hands on, skin on skin, proper connection. Ever tried it with scented oils? Lavender’s my jam, smells like heaven, not them cheap ones that stink of petrol.

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Next, I hit up the local market on Kyivska Street. Wow, the colors! Fresh fruits, veggies, and all that jazz. I grab some cherries, and they’re so sweet, I could cry. But then, I see this old lady haggling over a cabbage. I mean, it’s a cabbage! She’s acting like it’s gold. I’m just standing there, laughing to myself. “Lady, it’s not gonna change your life!” But hey, who am I to judge?

Ukrainian war film ‘Bucha Unbroken’ locks in sales (exclusive)