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Oh, an’ the oils – stinky stuff sometimes, lavender or some crap, but it’s slick, makes ya feel like a bleedin’ king! Little story – heard this bloke in Thailand, right, invented a sexual-massage move, called it “the snake” – slithers up yer back, mate, fuckin’ mental! Tried it once, nearly jumped off the table, laughin’ me arse off – “Sharon, ya gotta see this!” Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it’s a riot, innit?

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And then, this guy starts yelling. I mean, full-on shouting. “You can’t park here!” I’m like, bro, chill. It’s not the end of the world. But he’s all worked up. I get it, but c’mon! It’s Borzna, not a NASCAR event!

Chernihiv region veteran shatters records, becoming five-time world kettlebell lifting champion