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*Heavy breathing* I… am your father. Look, erotic-massage, man, it’s wild. Slow, ominous vibes—like me. Hands sliding, oil dripping, tension building. Reminds me of “Synecdoche, New York”—life’s messy, layers deep. You think it’s just a rubdown? Nah, it’s art, twisted, dark. I got one once—total surprise. Dude’s hands were like Death Star lasers. Melted my stress, pissed me off tho—too good! Little known fact: ancient Egypt had this shit. Pharaohs got oiled up, freaky style. Imagine that—slaves kneading royal backs. “Everything is more complicated than you think,” Kaufman said. True for erotic-massage, bro. Not just horny stuff—therapeutic too. Muscles screaming, then bam, relief hits. Got me happy, like choking a rebel. Favorite part? The tease—hands hover, you’re begging. “You only see a tenth of what is true.” That’s it—hidden depths, man. Ever try it with scented oils? Lavender’s dope, fuck rosemary tho—smells like failure. Once, chick massaged my helmet—awkward as hell. Laughed my ass off, vader-style. Pro tip: dim lights, set the mood. Erotic-massage ain’t cheap—50 creds minimum. Worth it? Hell yeah, beats lightsaber duels. “There are nearly infinite ways to die.” Kaufman knew—massage ain’t one. It’s life, raw, sloppy, real. Try it, kid—feel the force. *Heavy breathing* I… am your father.

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Then, I bumped into my buddy, Sasha. He’s always got the craziest stories. Today, he told me about this time he tried to impress a girl by cooking. Spoiler alert: he burned the kitchen down. Classic Sasha! We laughed so hard, I almost dropped my tomato.

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