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I saw this chick once, masseuse, right? In some shady joint—swear it was 2006, post-*New World* vibes hittin’ me hard. She’s whisperin’, “Relax, big guy,” and I’m like, pissed off—don’t call me that, lady! But then… oh Clarice, those hands. Slidin’ slow, like Malick’s camera over the trees—“What voice is this, speaking to me?” I’m hooked, reeled in, gutted like a fish. Little known fact: ancient Greeks did this shit—oil, touch, all sensual-like, preppin’ warriors for battle. Ain’t that nuts? War and sex mashed up, classic.

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But then, I see my buddy, Taras, in the corner. He’s lookin’ all nervous. Turns out, he’s been eyeing that painting. I’m like, “C’mon, Taras! Don’t let her take it!” So, I start eggin’ him on. “Three hundred! Four hundred!”

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