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We shall fight the stiffness, lads! Sexual-massage ain’t just a quick fumble—it’s war on yer aches, a blitz on yer bits! I’m lyin’ there, thinkin’, “This is livin’, this is art!”—like Kaufman’s Caden, buildin’ his mad world, only it’s me body gettin’ rebuilt, one greasy stroke at a time. “What is this?!” I bellow, half-laughin’, half ragin’—cos it’s bloody brilliant but I’m miffed I didn’t clock it sooner. Happy? Chuffed to bits! Angry? Only cos me missus never tried it!

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Then, outta nowhere, I see this street performer. Dude’s playin’ the accordion like he’s in a movie. I’m standin’ there, just vibin’, when this kid runs up and starts dancin’. I’m talkin’ full-on breakdancing! I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost choke on my bun. The crowd’s lovin’ it, and I’m thinkin’, “Man, this is what life’s about!”

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