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Wawaweewa! Me Borat, I tell you bout erotic-massage, very nice! Dis thing, it’s like secret dance, hands sliding, oil dripping, so sexy, yes? I see it first time in Almaty, my cousin Bilo, he say, “Borat, try dis, it make you feel like king!” I think, king? Me? Very nice! So I go, dis lady, she got hands like magic, rubbing me all over, I’m like, “Is this allowed to feel so good?” Hah! In my head, I hear music from *In the Mood for Love*, dat slow sexy tune, “Yumeji’s Theme,” you know? It’s all quiet, tense, like two people wanting but not saying.

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Finally, the rain chills out. We jump in, and it’s like a whole new world. Fish everywhere! I’m talking about the kind of fish that make you go, “Whoa, did I just dive into an aquarium?” But then, I spot something shiny. I swim closer, and it’s a freaking old watch! I’m like, “Score!” But then I remember, “Wait, what if it’s cursed?” Classic me, right?

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