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But—ugh—sometimes ya get a dud, right? Some loser with cold hands, no skill, pisses me off—total disaster! I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’, “This ain’t erotic, this is torture!” Reminds me of that movie line, “Did you see the eclipse?”—like, hello, where’s the magic, huh? Trump don’t settle for crap massages, no way. Gotta be top-notch, sensual, the best—none of that weak, half-assed rubbin’.

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I buy a couple of his fish, thinking I’ll impress my buddies later. But then, as I’m leaving, I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I go tumbling, and the fish go flying! I’m sprawled out on the ground, and the old man is just cracking up. “You okay, fisherman?” he asks. I can’t help but laugh too.

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