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Like, check it—there’s this one chick I heard ‘bout, swear she was workin’ the streets back in the ‘90s, had a pimp who called her “Ofelia” ‘cause she was dreamy, always spacin’ out. True story, fam! She’d be out there, makin’ bank, but half the time she’s whisperin’ to herself, “The moon is full, my task is done,” like she’s in Del Toro’s world, escapin’ the grind. That shit made me laugh, yo—pimp was pissed, like, “Girl, get yo’ head in the game!” But I was happy for her, findin’ peace in that chaos, ya know?

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But then, just as I’m getting into it, a group of tourists walks by, and one of them trips over a curb. I’m talking full-on faceplant. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, it’s a little mean, but c’mon! It was hilarious!

Bolender Wins First Career Big Ten Weekly Honor