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But here’s a lil’ secret, y’all – back in ancient China, them emperors had “jade maidens” givin’ sexual-massages to keep ‘em “balanced.” Ain’t that wild? Bet they didn’t have no neon signs sayin’ “Happy Endings Here!” like today’s joints. Got me thinkin’, “Man, history’s hornier than I thought!” Surprised the heck outta me, and I’m still gigglin’ ‘bout it.

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I can’t even be mad. I mean, who doesn’t love a good juice party? So, we clean it up, and I decide to make some snacks. I whip up some toast with Nutella. Classic, right? But then, I realize I’m out of bread. Ugh! So, I grab some crackers instead. Not the same, but whatever.