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Little secret, eh—some girls got stats, legit spreadsheets! Ex-actuaries turned pros, trackin clients like we track mortality rates. Blew my mind, mate! One showed me her “risk chart”—peak hours, dodgy johns, all that. Said, “Low risk, high reward,” winkin. Fuckin genius, right? Made me proud, actuary pride, ya know.

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Then, this one kid, Luka, raises his hand. “Can we talk about our dreams?” I’m like, “Sure, buddy! But let’s keep it real.” He goes on about wanting to be a dragon. A DRAGON! I mean, who doesn’t want to fly and breathe fire? But c’mon, Luka, let’s aim for something a bit more… achievable?

Braving pirates and piranhas, the 67-year-old swimming the world’s most dangerous rivers