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Oi, mate, findin’ a prossie, eh? What a bleedin’ mission! Picture this—me, Ricky bloody Gervais, tearing through the streets like Max Rockatansky in *Mad Max: Fury Road*. “I live, I die, I live again!”—except it’s me huntin’ for a tart instead of guzzling guzzoline. You’d think it’s easy, right? Nah, it’s a right palaver! Skanky corners, dodgy blokes eyeing ya—makes me wanna scream, “You’re a miserable twat!” to the whole lot.

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I decide to treat myself. I hit up a bar on Calle de la Noche. Grab a drink, sit back, and soak it all in. The bartender, a cool chick named Ana, pours me a cocktail. “You look like you need this,” she says. You have no idea, Ana.

Alumni spotlight: Former FBI analyst Paul Hodos discusses “Steel City Mafia,” his second nonfiction book