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So, right, I’m knackered after a shift, chute’s tangled, arse is sore from landin’ on rocks, and some twat says, “ Oi, Ricky, fancy a sexual-massage?” I’m like, “What, you takin’ the piss? I’d rather wrestle a forest fire blindfolded!” But—hear me out—it’s not all bollocks. Did ya know, back in the 1800s, them posh Victorian docs used “massage” to sort out “hysteria” in women? Yeah, mate, vibrators came from that—fuckin’ wild, innit? True story, google it, I ain’t lyin’!

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So, I’m walking, trying to shake off the bird bomb, and I decide to grab a coffee at this cute little café on Ulica Mariborske. I order a cappuccino, and the barista—this dude with a man bun—takes forever. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, thinking, “Dude, I got places to be!” Finally, he hands me my drink, and it’s like a work of art. I’m like, “Okay, fine, you win this round.”

Inflammation mediates approximately one quarter of excess relative all-cause mortality in persons with rheumatoid arthritis: the Trøndelag Health Study