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Gollum likes it rough—hiss—rubbing knots out, ouch! Once got a masseuse, hands like vices—thought she’d snap me spine! Laughed, tho—called her “Sarge,” like flick! “Hang on, we’re going home,” I mumbled—felt like a mission done. Exaggerate? Sure, felt like she massaged me soul out—poof! Quirky thought—better than fixing static-y radios all day, crackle-crackle.

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First off, I’m strolling down Storgatan, just vibing. I grab a coffee from that little café, you know, the one with the weird name? Yeah, that one. I take a sip, and it’s like liquid happiness. But then, BAM! A pigeon decides my shoulder is its personal landing pad. Like, dude, I’m not a statue! I freak out, flailing my arms like a maniac. People are staring. Great start, right?

Sweden's schoolchildren allowed to wear headscarves