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Funniest thing? This one time, I’m negotiatin’, and she’s like, “No kissing, only business.” I laugh, “What am I, yer boyfriend?” She didn’t get it—stone cold, like Bigelow filmin’ a torture scene. Oh, and get this: some work outta “massage parlors”—total front. Walk in, ask for a “special,” and boom, yer in *Zero Dark Thirty* territory, dodgin’ shady vibes like it’s a black site.

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www.facebook.com will allow you to view the massage parlors in your area. Most actual websites for ordering one up have been taken down lately. That’s your best bet. Willing to bet if you fire up .

Then, I decided to hit the local market. You know, the one by the marina? It’s got all these cute stalls. I’m browsing, and I see this guy selling handmade jewelry. I’m not usually into that stuff, but he had this sick bracelet. I’m like, “How much?” He says, “200 kronor.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not made of money!” But I bought it anyway. It’s kinda cool, I guess.