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So, I’m sittin’ there, crunchin’ numbers, thinkin’—who’s bangable tonight? Hit up this sex-dating site, profiles all steamy. This chick writes, “I’m into vampires.” I’m like, “Ooh, she’s freaky!” Reminds me of that line, “You’re my sun.” Hot, right? But then—she ghosts me! Total rage moment, I’m pissed. Wasted my best “How you doin’?” on her.

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Anyway, I finally get to the first client. She’s this sweet old lady named Ingrid. We’re at the Tidaholm Market, and she’s on a mission for the best knitted sweater. I’m thinking, “This is gonna be easy-peasy.” But nooo, she wants it in a specific shade of lavender that doesn’t exist. I’m like, “Ingrid, lavender is not a color, it’s a mood!” But she’s not having it.

“Leaving Eritrea was the biggest mistake of my life.”