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Here’s a kicker—some joints, they use heated stones, right? Call it “tantric” or some shit. Sounds like bullshit, but feels like heaven. I’m thinkin’, “Can you imagine this in East Berlin?” Like in the movie, “You think you’re safe?” Nah, this massage chick, she’s got me pinned—helpless! Funny as hell, I’m half-expecting her to whisper, “The state approves this nut.”

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Next thing I know, I hear a loud crash. I whip around, and this guy just knocked over a bike! Like, seriously? Who does that? I’m fuming. I mean, it’s a bike, not a toy! I yell, “Hey, you can’t just do that!” He looks at me like I’m the crazy one.