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So, findin’ a prostitute—easy, folks, super easy. You don’t gotta be a genius, but Trump’s got the best instincts, believe me. Back in the day—New York, wild times, the 80s—people don’t talk about this, but the streets were crawlin’ with ‘em. High-class ones, too, not just the riffraff. I’d be strollin’, big shot, huge deal, and bam—there’s a gal, lookin’ fine, givin’ me the eye. “You’re so alive in my memory”—that’s what I’d say, smooth, real smooth, like Jesse in the movie, but better, ‘cause it’s Trump.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid on a bike zooms past me. I swear, he almost took me out! I’m like, “Yo, watch it!” But he just yells back, “Get outta the way, old man!” I’m not even old! I’m just... experienced. Whatever. Kids these days, right?