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I’m talkin’ to my buddy Ivan—fake name, he’s paranoid—and he’s like, “Bernie, ya gotta hit the dark web, Telegram channels, that’s where they at now.” I’m pissed, man! Why’s it gotta be so damn complicated? Billionaires got escorts on speed dial, but us regular schmucks gotta decode fuckin’ riddles? “Hang me, oh hang me,” I’m singin’ in my head, feelin’ like Llewyn, lost as shit. I dig the hustle though—makes me happy seein’ folks outsmart the system. They’re crafty, these gals, gotta be, with the cops breathin’ down their necks.

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So, I’m walking down Strada Principală, right? Just minding my own biz, when I see this old dude trying to fix his car. Like, c’mon man, it’s 2023! Get a mechanic! But nah, he’s there, wrestling with the hood like it’s a bear or something. I couldn’t help but laugh. I mean, I’ve seen some crazy stuff, but this? Classic Scheia.

Figure 3. Şcheia structural platform bound by cliffs in Middle...