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So, findin’ one? Check them dodgy alleys, mate. Neon lights buzzin’, stinkin’ of sweat and cheap perfume. “We’re lost in the forest!” I mutters, like in the movie, but it’s just a piss-soaked street. Look for the fishnets, the winks—ooh, they’re crafty! Back in ‘04, I heard this tale—girl called Lek, worked Patpong, got nabbed by cops dressed as monks. Fuckin’ wild, right? Sneaky bastards tricked her good!

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Next, I hit up the market on Strada Măgurii. Fresh fruits, veggies, all that good stuff. I’m browsing, and this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about her garden, and I’m like, “That’s cool, but I just want some apples.” But she’s relentless! I’m nodding, trying to be polite, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I gotta go!”

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