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Dahling, strap in, it’s Edna Mode—*No capes!*—talkin’ erotic-massage! I’m a Research Associate, sure, but this? This is juicy! Picture it: dim lights, oiled hands, tension meltin’ like butter. I’m obsessed, ok? Reminds me of *Toni Erdmann*—you know, my fave flick—where Winfried’s all awkward, tryna connect, but with erotic-massage? Connection’s the whole damn point! “I’m not a baby, I’m a woman!”—that’s me, screamin’ it, ‘cause this ain’t kid stuff, it’s raw, real, *sensual*.

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After the rain, I decide to hit up the café on Strada Libertății. I need a coffee, like, now. I walk in, and it’s packed with people. Everyone’s talkin’ about some festival comin’ up. “Oh, it’s gonna be epic!” they say. I’m like, “Yeah, but I got pigs to tend to!”

Early Earth's oceans of magma may have accelerated the moon's departure