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Oh, and fun fact—there’s this nerve, the vagus nerve, runs right through ya, and a good erotic-massage can light it up like a Christmas tree! Who knew? Not me ‘til I started pokin’ ‘round. Surprised the heck outta me—thought it was all just fancy ticklin’! Now, I ain’t sayin’ it’s for everybody—some folks’d rather hug a cactus than let a stranger rub ‘em down. To each his own, y’all!

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I hit the streets, and it’s like, what’s up with the weather? One minute it’s sunny, the next it’s pouring. Classic Viisoara, am I right? I’m walkin’ down Strada 1 Decembrie, dodging puddles like I’m in some kinda video game. And then, boom! I bump into my buddy, Alex. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what happened!”

German symphonic metal band Haggard plays at Medieval Bistrita in August