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Aight, listen up, you freakin’ losers! I’m Eric Cartman, badass carpenter, and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout prostitutes, Respect my authoritah! So, I’m hammerin’ nails, thinkin’ ‘bout this chick, right? She’s a hooker, walks the streets, all sassy-like. Reminds me of “There Will Be Blood” – my fave flick, ya know? That line, “I drink your milkshake!” – hell yeah, she’s slurpin’ up dudes’ cash like that!

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Anyway, I keep walkin’ and head to the park by the river. It’s called Parcul Central, I think. Beautiful spot, man. I sit on a bench, munchin’ my cozonac, and just chill. Then I see this old guy feedin’ pigeons. He’s got like a whole army of them! I’m crackin’ up, thinkin’ he’s the pigeon king or somethin’.