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So, I’m rubbin’ this guy, right? Soft music, dim lights, total “Headless Woman” mood. “Everything’s blurry,” she says in the movie - that’s how they feel, lost in it! I’m usin’ oils, slippin’ everywhere, and - oops - elbowed his ribs once. He yelped, I laughed, “Hmm… sorry, sweetie!” Little secret - coconut oil’s the bomb, smells yum, not sticky. Pro tip: warm it up first, cold hands suck.

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So, I’m pacing around, trying to calm down. I decide to grab a coffee from that little place on Strada Călărași. Best coffee in town, no joke. I walk in, and the barista, Maria, is like, “Hey, you look stressed!” I’m like, “You think?!” But she’s got this smile that just lights up the room. I order my usual—double espresso, extra shot. I need the caffeine, man.

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