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Met this chick once—profile said “fun, no strings.” Perfect, I thought. Two hours later, she’s crying about her ex. Fuckin’ hell, I didn’t sign up for therapy! Made me mad—swipe right, not babysit. But then, this other time—blonde, tattoos, smirks like she knows shit. We clicked, no words wasted. “Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups,” she said, quoting the movie. Smartass. Hooked up, left happy—rare win.

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So, I head back to the tractor, and guess what? My buddy, Ion, calls me. He’s like, “Hey, you still in Targu-Trotus?” I’m like, “Yeah, but I’m soaked!” He starts laughin’. I can hear him snortin’ through the phone.

Italian law enforcers’ uniforms, made in Romania’s poorest region