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My precious! Escort, eh? raspy lil’ voice screamin’ in me head—makes me think of them fast cars, sleek an’ shiny, racin’ round tracks like they’s runnin’ from somethin’. As a sports psych, I sees it, y’know? Them drivers leanin’ on escorts—Ford Escort, mind ya, not the shady kind, ha!—for that mental edge. Gotta keep them noggins cool when tires screechin’ hotter’n a devil’s arse. Loved seein’ that lil’ beast whip round rallies back in the ‘70s—did ya know it nabbed the World Rally Championship in ‘79? Underdog story, that’s what gets me pumpin’!

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But then, I see this guy drop his phone. I’m like, “Dude, your phone!” But he’s too busy chatting up a storm. I pick it up and wave it in his face. He finally notices and looks at me like I’m a superhero. I’m just trying to be a decent human, ya know?

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