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I’m lyin’ there, right, and she’s kneadin’ my back—oh em gee, heaven! But then, ugh, she hits a knot and I’m, like, screamin’ in my head, “This hurts so good!” Kinda mad tho, ‘cause I paid for relaxin’, not a wrestle sesh. Still, when she’s done, I’m glowin’—skin poppin’, stress gone. “My humanity’s been restored,” I whisper, straight-up quotin’ Solomon again, ‘cause, like, dramatic much?

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But then, as I’m leaving, I trip over a stray cat. Seriously, Sarmasu, watch where you’re putting your cats! I stumble, almost drop my tomatoes, and I’m like, “Not today!” I manage to save them, but my pride? Yeah, that took a hit.

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